2002-11-20 - 12:18 p.m. - Cycle day: 1

And here we go again.

There's nothing quite so sad-looking as a brand new chart. That one single temp just hanging there, all lonely.

I called Dr. RE's office to get my Clomid prescription phoned in, assuming I'd get to talk to a nurse before the scrip was actually sent to the pharmacy. But we should never assume, should we? The nurse went ahead and ordered a 100mg dosage for this cycle before I got a chance to tell her that 50mg worked just fine. I'm not excited to increase my dosage at this early stage, especially since it doesn't seem necessary. I'm worried about burning through the medication options too quickly, and I'm worried about being exposed to more fakeo hormones than needed. My mom was on some pretty intense hormone therapies when she was around my age. My mom got pre-menopausal breast cancer. I can't help but draw a connection. My family history also puts me at greater risk for ovarian cancer. As does PCOS. As does Clomid. So you can see why I'd prefer to be on as little Clomid as possible, for as short a time as possible.

The nurse did at least remember that I'm charting and will come in on my own when I'm seven days past ovulation, rather than on their textbook day 21. She said to call in when I detect an LH surge, but based on my luck with OPKs, I think I'll just go off a temp shift.

I'm readjusting to the idea of not being able to make a pregnancy announcement over the holidays. I remember this same sadness from last year, and it makes me feel like I'm in a giant loop of disappointment. I fear getting my hopes up again, making mental plans about how we'll tell our families over Christmas, or New Years, or Valentine's Day, or Mother's Day ... on and on. Instead, I'm trying to get used to the idea that I'll be all drugged up and cranky for Thanksgiving. Yee-haw!

I just realized that if I get pregnant this next cycle, the baby would be due right at the start of The Husband's school year. Greeeeat.

previous - next