2003-08-28 - 1:10 p.m. - Cycle day: 39 weeks, 4 days

Well, that was fairly anti-climactic. And even just slightly bothersome. The numbers from yesterday's OB appointment are as follows:

Weight: 138 lbs. (down 2 from last week)
Blood pressure: 100/80 (a bit higher than normal)
Fundal height: 36.5 cm (down 3 cm)
Fetal heart rate: 156 bpm (mercifully unchanged)
Dilation: 1 cm (just a tidge more open)
Effacement: 70-80% (no fair - he said a solid 80% last week)
Station: -2 (about the same as before)

So ... I'm not quite sure what to make of all that. My weight being lower and my blood pressure being a little higher got me somewhat concerned, but the doctor didn't see it as a problem. The nurse reassured me that the decreasing fundal height was totally normal now that the baby is moving down. The increase in dilation was good, but I was really expecting the baby's station to be lower. If they were able to examine me standing up, I'm sure it would have been. I can feel that little head bonking into me whenever I walk around, and the other night, I could actually feel the head bulging way low in my pelvis.

I have to admit, even knowing that these exams don't reveal a whole lot, I was depressed that there was so little change from last week. I know in my head that I could go from here to active labor in a matter of hours, and I also know that further progression wouldn't really indicate anything (a friend of mine was 2 cm dilated and at +1 station for two weeks). But still. It would have been nice to feel a little bit closer. I'm lucky that I've avoided the end-of-pregnancy physical misery, but I still can't wait to meet my baby. I spent most of last night on the verge of tears, thoroughly disappointed that the baby doesn't seem quite so eager to meet us.

It would probably help if I had a little distraction, but The Husband started teaching this week and has been at work for over twelve hours some days. I know he's trying to get everything in order so things don't fall apart when the baby comes and he takes a couple days off, but it's hard spending so much time alone. I can't help but spend most of the day thinking about baby stuff. When I have free time, I'm laundering little baby things or throwing more paraphernalia into the hospital bag. I think feeling so ready is part of what's driving me nuts.

I'm not resorting to the home remedies yet, though. I believe that the baby will come when it's ready, and I'm not going to try to force it out any sooner. Not yet, anyway. I have been using evening primrose oil at night to help soften my cervix, and I try to keep up a good intake of red raspberry leaf tea to tone up my uterus, but those are just measures to help my body prepare and don't have any effect on the baby.

Of course, it might be easier to have patience if I weren't getting several calls a day asking if I've had the baby yet. I realized last night that my most of my other friends with children didn't make it this far into their pregnancies - one had twins at 27 weeks, one was induced at 37 weeks, and another grabbed the castor oil at 38 weeks. No wonder everyone's getting so impatient with me. I've learned an important lesson from this, and I'd like to pass it along to anyone who hasn't yet gotten pregnant or is waiting to tell friends and family about their pregnancy: lie about your due date. Give yourself at least a two week window. Otherwise, you'll want to stop answering the phone by week 36.

Unfortunately, I can't lie very well to myself. I can't help but see September 1st looming on the calendar and imagine our baby in my arms. I'm done relishing the pre-baby time. This has been a very long journey, and I'm more than ready for it to be over.

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