2003-06-01 - 12:03 p.m. - Cycle day: 27 weeks

I've never been bothered much by being alone or isolated. I work at home by myself all day, and there was a long period after our move where days would go by without me seeing, let alone having a conversation with, anyone outside our house. I know that would drive most people up the wall, but I have the constitution for it. (Which is one big reason why I feel like I'm prepared to be a mama - the switch to a home-based, practically solitary daily routine will be no issue for me.) So it's usually no big deal when The Husband is gone for a few days - I get a chance to eat whatever and whenever I want, I have total control over the TV, and I can lie in bed reading all day if I feel like it. But for some reason, when I dropped The Husband off at the airport last week, I felt my heart sink. I felt deeply, powerfully lonely. Then I got home and realized I was too tired to make silly food, and everything on TV was stupid, and lying in bed reading was decidedly less fun when I had to get up to pee all the time. It probably didn't help that I'd spent the last week sick and was already feeling cooped-up, but beyond that, I was just overwhelmed by how completely alone and vulnerable I felt.

I was perfectly willing to write all that off to pregnancy hormones, but then The Husband called after being gone less than twelve hours and couldn't stop saying how much he missed me. So if it is a pregnancy thing, papas aren't immune. Maybe it's the knowledge that we're partners in an important endeavor that makes us cling more tightly to each other. Maybe it's the awareness that our time together as "just a couple" is quickly coming to a close. Or maybe our love for each other has just gotten that much stronger and more intense through the trials and joys of impending parenthood. Probably a combination of all of those. Regardless, it moved me to know that mine wasn't the only heart hurting from our separation. It's reassuring to hear that he feels somewhat incomplete without me, because just knowing that he was going out of town made me feel like I'd lost something important.

In other news, happy third trimester to me! I can't believe I'm exactly three months from my due date.

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