2005-02-24 - 11:09 p.m. - Cycle day:

I'm observing an unsettling trend among the women in my mama-circle. It seems that many of us independent women went and married equally independent men, and now that we've created families together, the dads can't quite seem to get on board. There is a surprising amount of discussion about divorce whenever we independent-but-totally-baby-absorbed moms get together. And I'll admit, I'm a participant as well as an observer. Is this just an early parenting stage that no one talks about, or are we all in actual crises? Because as it stands, I have heard several good friends echo the thoughts in my own head, primarily the one that goes "I'm doing everything myself anyway, maybe it would just be less stressful to be officially single." Something about taking away the frustration of unsupportiveness and just dropping any expectation of help seems somehow appealing. We've gone through the up and down cycles of marriage before, but prior to the last few months, I never spent time figuring out how I'd pay for health care or how our friends would divvy up if The Husband and I split. In my case, I wonder if being jobless and feeling especially dependent is kicking up my secret rebellious tendencies, but I know other women who are totally financially solvent and still feel like they have to get out on their own. What's going on here? Is it some toddler-induced dementia, or did we all just happen to marry men who can't handle the transition from husband to father? Or, as I theorize, the switch from husband-of-wife to husband-of-mother? It's incredibly frustrating and very, very sad. I don't know what happens next, for any of us.

The next entry will be happier, I promise ...

previous - next