2004-01-20 - 11:47 a.m. - Cycle day:

I was talking to my one really close mama friend the other day, and she was saying how lucky we are to have husbands who are involved in raising our kids. Which was a little odd to hear, because I know she does at least 80% of the child-related chores in their two-toddler household. The Husband is fantastic as far as cooking and cleaning and maintaining our home, but when it comes to the baby, I'm definitely the primary caregiver. He has never bathed her, he rarely takes the initiative to dress her, and sometimes he goes days without changing a diaper. This other mama and I are both employed - she works part-time outside the house and I work full-time from home - so it's not like either one of us has taken on motherhood as our only responsibility. And yet because we have husbands who can be safely left alone with our kids for a couple hours at time, we're the "lucky" ones. It's sad how low the standard is, because it makes us feel guilty for wanting or needing more help.

I know The Husband worries a lot about whether or not he's a good dad. I don't know how to explain to him that being a "good" parent is mostly just a matter of showing up - being there for the fun stuff, but also rolling up your sleeves and slogging through the boring, stinky or mentally draining stuff. He's great in the support role - keeping the house in order, feeding me, looking after the amount of sleep I'm getting - but sometimes I wish he'd take on some of my duties instead of just backing me up while I do them.

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